RIP Grandpa

About 30 minutes ago I got a phone call that my mom's dad passed away. Anyone who knows me, knows that the relationship I had with him wasn't the best especially the last several years. I haven't actually seen him since 2004. Maybe that is why I am so torn up. Death really is about closure. I know that in his last years he wasn't himself, suffering from dementia. He just wouldn't have known who I was. I feel so guilty that I didn't go see him. I was actually mad at him for the things he said to my mom and about her. I know that he didn't understand what he was saying, it was still just hurtful. I hope he knows that I did love him, I am sure he did.

He always told me to find a good cowboy to get married to. He was a cheap man, financially. I guess that is what happens when you live through a depression. He would always send me $2 bills when I was a little girl for my birthday and Christmas. The not he included in it would say "No booze, pot, or cigarettes". Which is a bit ironic as he both smoked cigarettes and drank.

He would come to my horse shows and watch me ride. I know he was proud of me. He built his own house, the one my mom and her sisters grew up in. He lived in it until he had to go into an assisted living home. He took me to my first horse race in Grants Pass. We ate cold pork and beans out of a can for dinner.

Grandpa Dave, you were loved and I hope you are at peace now.

Love,

me